Communication

In class this week we discussed communication within marriage and family. Where there are communication problems there are communication opportunities. We all see and understand things differently which can make communication between two people difficult. But the medium you use to communicate can make things even more difficult. A medium is whatever you are using to communicate your message to a person, for example texting, email, phone calls, verbal(face-to-face), body language etc. are all communication media. Everything we do sends a message, you can never not communicate a message. A study put together three categories of communication, words, tone and non-verbal ques. If you are using all three of these media you are using 100% of your available communicate. Using just words is 14% of communication, just tone is 35%, and just non-verbal ques is 51%. When we use media like texting and emailing, we are only utilizing 14% of our potential communication. This is why the type of media you use to communicate a message can make the message more difficult for the person to understand because you may not be utilizing all your tools available. I suggest if you need to communicate you should try your best to use all of your tools available to help make your message clearer for the one receiving it.

Tragedy or Opportunity?

Every family experiences stressful and difficult times or situations, we call this a family crisis. The word crisis is interesting when written in the Chinese language, because it is two different words put together, danger and opportunity. When a family experiences a crisis they have a choice to either react or act. Crisis' are called dangerous opportunities because depending on how you react/act you can either cease this opportunity to grow closer as a family unit or you can separate and be further spread apart as a family unit.
It is enviable for a family to run into stress and crisis. And you can't always control what happens to your family, nut you can always control how to act when these dangerous opportunities show up. And when you act in a way that is loving, patient, understanding and courageous, you will be acting to bring your family closer, which is a beautiful thing.
Look at stress, trials and hardship as opportunities for growth. I know that when you have the mind-set of hope and courage to cease these challenges you and your family will come to find that they where in fact great blessings.

A Special Gift...

As a growing child, my parents always made a special effort to raise our family in an open environment. When my sibling and I ever had a question, we could always ask our parents, who never responded in a judgmental way, but in a loving way. Because of the loving and safe environment my parents raised my family in, I have been blessed with good knowledge and protected in many ways from worldly lies and myths. Especially when it came to the topic of sex and sexual intimacy. This is a hushed topic in many households and I understand why it would be. It is a very special gift that we have been given by our Father in Heaven himself. It is sacred and special. But the world around us has prevented and corrupted this sacred topic. And when raising children in this world we cannot risk hushing this topic, because sooner or later they will learn about it somewhere, whether it be the truth or false lies. When learning about this topic it is very important to what know source the information is coming from. 

Being raised in the Church of Jesus Christ, as a young woman, I was always told to keep myself pure and clean, to not even think about sex, and to just flat out not even go near the whole idea whether it be mentally, physically or verbally. I knew having sex before marriage was bad, but for the longest time I never knew why. Tell your children the why. Please don't leave them wondering. 

I know that being sexually pure brings some of the most amazing blessings into your life. It has helped me avoid serious heart-ache and devastation. Sexually intimacy is a beautiful gift, when you unwrap it at the right time and under the right circumstances, which is marriage, make sure you unwrap it slowly and in a gentle mentality. Because when you do, you and your spouse will be able to share this special gift that is just between you and them. 

Also remember that sexual purity is not just a one time thing. You can become sexually pure at any time in your life, not matter what has occurred in the past. We are never lost to this beautiful gift and blessings it holds, and we can thank Jesus Christ and His saving atonement for that.

First baby!... Second baby?....Third baby?!.....fourth baby.....ugh...

Okay, so the title is a little weird but let me explain.
Lets say a married couple named Peter and Katie are expecting their first baby. They are extremely happy and satisfied with their marriage, and they love each other very much. The baby arrives and everyone is so excited, especially the couple themselves. But after a few weeks they realize that this is a huge change in their lives and they have major adjustments within their marriage to figure out. Katie is always caring for the baby and Peter never really gets a chance to even hold his child unless mom is busy and little Tommy needs a diaper change. Katie and Peter never get to spend quality time together because Katie is worried about leaving Tommy's side. Peter and Katie begin to feel less satisfied with their marriage.When Tommy turns 18 months Katie and Peter announce that they are expecting another baby. This pattern of feeling less satisfied with there marriage continues with every child they bring into the family and doesn't stop until their children start to leave the nest and once that begins Katie and Peter start to enjoy each other again, causing their martial satisfaction to rise back to its old happy place again.
This is the average American marriage couples experience with children. Martial satisfaction lowers with the birth of each child. How come? This happens because the couples doesn't adjust well to the change in their family's dynamics and this causes the couple to grow in opposite directions instead of growing together. In other words the baby becomes a wedge instead of a bonding/growth experience in their marriage.
Their are many ways to avoid this wedge, one of the ways is the wife can involve her husband fully before, during and after the birth of their child. In fact here are five great things the wife can do to engage the husband in this process of bringing about the child.

    1. Share what you are feeling. When the wife is pregnant she could share, with her husband, the good emotions she is experiencing while carrying their child. She could also express the physical feelings of carrying their child. Just as Brother William's wife did, when she shared the experience with her husband of their baby girl kicking in the womb.

    2. Share responsibilities. Take turns caring and nurturing the baby. This will give the father a sense of purpose in caring for the child, he will feel needed and most importantly will have greater opportunities to bond with their child. And I also think this will help the husband feel and receive a greater understanding that this is his child and he is a father who plays a very important role in the life of his child.

    3. Include and involve them in doctor appointments, and other pregnancy appointments/classes. The wife and husband can take a "preparation for labor" class together. This will help them practice for the real event  and it will help them bond. Also it will create a partnership effort when it comes to the delivering of their child.

    4. During the actual delivery and birth of their child the wive can lean fully on her husband for emotional and physical support. Doing this shows the husband that he is needed by his wife and that he is a critical part of the child-baring process. Also this makes the birth of the child very special to equally the mother and the father. Because you involved the husband every step of the way and treated him as an equal and most needed partner. 

   5. TRUST him. Before, during and after delivery of the child, the wife can remember to trust in her husband as he learns to grow into his special fatherly role. When the wife shows her trust and confidence in her husband's ability to be a great father he will feel loved and believed in by his wife. Which will help him adapt and grow more easily into the amazing father he was designed to become.
      
Having a child and caring for a child is a challenging thing for a marriage to experience, but when you take actions that help you and your spouse to grow together instead of apart, children are one of the most satisfying blessings you can experience with your spouse. Its challenging but when you use this opportunity to your advantage, you and your spouse will be closer and happier with each other then you ever have before.